Anti-Carol: December 1-8, 2022
The Mission:
Last week was about the holiday spirit. This week, let’s embrace the humbuggery.
Take a well-known Christmas carol or other holiday song, and re-write it with plenty of snark and disdain for the holidays. Even if you love the season, there certainly are parts of it you find annoying or stressful. Blow off some steam with an anti-carol and let your inner Scrooge shine.
Due December 8 by 7:00 p.m.
The Submissions:
“Cringey Sales” - by Captain Quillard - (to the tune of “Jingle Bells”)
Flashing all your dough
To impress your bougie friends
Put a big, obnoxious bow
On a new Mercedes Benz
You can cut the pre-
-tension with a knife
What psycho buys a lux’ry car
without telling his wife?!
Oh!
Cringey sales, cringey sales
on TV all day
Let’s all buy a new Lexus
for Jesus’ birthday
Hey!
Cringey sales, cringey sales
Santa brought a car?!
December to Remember Sales Event
and zero APR!
The true meaning of
Christmas and the joy it brings
is to look at those above
and covet all their things
You may not be one-percent—
Might be jealous of their pay
But an Audi makes a great present
wrapped up in your driveway
Oh!
Cringey sales, cringey sales
These prices can’t be beat!
Oh, what fun a sleigh can be
but it ain’t got heated seats
Hey!
Cringey sales, cringey sales
Spend until it’s gone
You may think it’s Christmastime,
but it’s Toyotathon
by Anonymous Frau Redux
Had some forced time off this week due to “the vid” and viewed a few holiday favorites. Home Alone and Home Alone 2 utilize classic film cliches of good guy vs bad guy, overcoming fear, family situations, and include some unrealistic “action” scenes for comedic effect.
Home Alone plot summary to the tune of “Santa Claus is coming to town”
It started with shouts
And plannin’ to fly
The power knocked out
They left the lil guy
Kevin’s fam just flew outta town
He made them all pissed
He wasn’t real nice
Ordered upstairs to sleep with mice
Kevin’s fam just flew outta town
Harry and Marv were creeping
All neighbors were away
Wet bandits in the neighborhood
Kevin planned defensive play
It started with shouts
And planning to fly
The power knocked out
They left the lil guy
And Kevin’s fam just flew outta town
Kevin saw those dudes a creeping
And everyone was away
He had to save the neighborhood
So he had some traps to lay
Marv better watch out
Harry’s gonna cry
Kevin has no doubt
Gonna get those guys
Kevin’s fam had gone outta town
Harry did shout
The spider crawled by
Marv was knocked out
They were bad guys
Kevin saved the hood from the clowns
Home Alone 2 plot summary to the tune of “Rockin’ around the Christmas Tree”
Knockin’ about New York City
During Christmas people shop
Wet bandits out, who do they see
Only Kevin, their jaws drop
Knockin’ about New York City
Lots of business and running
Family elsewhere, no one nearby
Kevin has great parenting
Marv and Harry ornamental stealing- and they fear
Kevin squealing- let’s be smarter
Grab the kid before it’s harder
Knockin’ around New York City
Bad guys plan a getaway
Kevin advances warily
Makes a plan to save the day
Marv and Harry plan to do some stealing- and they fear
Kevin squealing- it’s getting harder
If only these two clowns were smarter
Knockin’ around New York City
Kevin will save the day
A kid plannin’ solitarily
Sticky ole Marv and Harry
Peace, health and happiness to you & yours
XO- anon Frau Redux
P.S.
If you care to check out some professional anti-holiday tunes see the album Barenaked for the Holidays (Barenaked Ladies) or the one by Bob Rivers & Twisted Radio.
Next Week’s Assignment:
Make your own gift wrap. Add a personal touch to your gift giving this season by wrapping gifts in wrapping paper you made yourself. Use whatever type of paper you like, and decorate using any materials you have on hand.