Synonym Roles: December 12-19, 2024
Write a synopsis of your favorite holiday TV special or movie, or re-write your favorite Christmas carol, using synonyms for the obvious words and plot points to make your synopsis accurate, but funny. (i.e., for Frosty: An anthropomorphized frozen precipitation sculpture…)
Due December 19 by 7:00 p.m.
The Submissions:
by Captain Quillard
by Heart of Darkness
AI x White Christmas
It’s 1944, and during the craziness of World War II, Broadway bigwig Captain Bob Wallace and his wannabe-star sidekick Private Phil Davis are putting on a Christmas Eve show for the troops. After Major General Waverly (who’s basically the head honcho of everything) gives an overly dramatic goodbye speech and walks off, enemy bombers swoop in like a bad dinner theater performance. Phil heroically (and a little clumsily) saves Bob from a collapsing wall, earning himself a small injury but a huge favor in return. While lying in a tent like a slightly overdramatic patient, Phil suggests they form a “fabulous” musical duo. Bob, not exactly thrilled, reluctantly agrees just to shut him up.
Flash forward to post-war, where Bob and Phil have become the snazzy song-and-dance duo "Wallace & Davis"—and, apparently, Broadway producers, too. While doing their thing in sunny Florida, Bob gets a letter from an army buddy asking them to check out his sisters' act at a local nightclub. They meet Betty and Judy, the two sisters who could charm the scales off a snake. Phil, with his matchmaking skills dialed to 11, starts imagining Bob and Betty as the next great power couple. But surprise! Betty admits that *Judy* was the mastermind behind the letter. Bob, ever the cynic, doesn’t mind the deception, but Betty thinks he’s just being a sarcastic jerk.
Things get messy when the sisters' landlord tries to sue them for fake damages and calls in the fuzz. Phil and Bob, ever the heroes, hand over their New York train tickets (because who needs those?) and head off to the station. The girls get the cozy sleeping compartment, while the guys are left to do battle with the Club Car, much to Bob’s grumbling dismay.
The gang ends up in Pine Tree, Vermont (because why not?), where the girls talk Bob and Phil into ditching New York for a Christmas gig. Things take a sharp left turn when they arrive at the *absolutely empty* Columbia Inn, only to discover that General Waverly is now the inn’s *nearly broke* owner. Yep, he’s sunk his life savings into the place. Bob and Phil, never ones to miss a chance for a musical number, hatch a plan to put on a grand show to save the inn. Meanwhile, Bob and Betty’s romance starts to simmer, but only just.
Waverly tries to get back in the army, but the powers-that-be reject him, which sends Bob into full-on "Operation Cheer Up General" mode. He gets Broadway bigwig Ed Harrison on the phone for help, but Ed’s idea to exploit Waverly’s financial woes for publicity makes Bob want to pull his hair out. He rejects the offer outright, but housekeeper Emma overhears part of the conversation and gets it all wrong, thinking Bob’s a big jerk who’s only out for his own glory. She tells Betty, and Betty gives Bob the cold shoulder, leaving him utterly baffled.
Phil and Judy, in a plot twist that only makes things more confusing, fake an engagement to get Betty and Bob back together, but it backfires spectacularly when Betty storms off to New York for a solo gig. Bob, in a panic, rushes to NYC to make things right, but before he can explain himself, he runs into Ed Harrison (of course). The whole thing comes to a head on live TV when Bob asks the entire 151st division to come to Pine Tree to honor Waverly, and Betty realizes she’s been a huge drama queen about the whole thing.
On Christmas Eve, the soldiers surprise Waverly at the big show, and as the gang sings “White Christmas,” the snow finally starts falling—just in time for a cozy Vermont Christmas. And as for Betty and Bob? They make up. Judy and Phil? Well, they realize they’re in love, too. It's all a bit ridiculous, but *that’s* what Christmas miracles are made of!
Next Week’s Assignment:
In past New Year assignments, we’ve focused on intention setting and your mantra for the next year. This year I think we all know on some level things will be rough, given the state of the world at the moment. So for this assignment, make art of your choice that depicts how you plan to take care of yourself and others in the coming year. Happy holidays, and happy - or at least peaceful - new year to you all.